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Personal Reflections

Faking Orgasms

It’s a metaphor, but I made you look, didn’t I? This post is about art and living as an artist, I promise. Just follow me here.

Creative energy is at the heart of both coital activity and artistic expression.  Let’s make the connection here. When using creative energy to engage in sexual activity, humans can create another unique human being. It ain’t called procreating for nothing.  Likewise, using creative energy through artistic expression results in dynamic works whether they are songs, paintings, novels, etc. The free flow of creative energy, whether during sex or artistic expression, can cause a heightened sense of pleasure, which essentially is called an orgasm.  When certain pressures occur in life or there are barriers that disallow a person from expressing themselves freely, creative energy can be blocked, thus causing a slowdown in artistic expression or gratification during sexual activity.  The inability to achieve this heightened sense of pleasure or orgasm can cause repression in an individual.   

This leads me to a larger point about life as an artist in a world where art is not appreciated for its true value.  While I’ll decline to state whether I’ve faked an orgasm, I will admit that I am doing some faking in one area of my life. Why? I want to keep the peace much like a sexually unsatisfied woman in a relationship/marriage.  I realize that, at this time, it’s better to fake it because the ‘relationship’ benefits me in other ways; although I’m highly unfulfilled.  If you’re an artist, like me, who has to hold down two full time jobs; one that pays the bills and one that involves your craft, then you’ll know where I’m going with this. I think. Every morning, we rise to a new day and prepare ourselves to scamper off to do work that most of us don’t like to secure a paycheck. After all, it’s easier to create when you have a place to sleep, utilities, and food to eat.  During the hours of your workday, you’re drifting & struggling to pay attention so you begin faking it, you know, pretending that you’re fully involved with your tasks, but in actuality, you’re daydreaming about a new ‘lover’ which is a creative concept or lusting to get home so you can ‘make love’ to your current creative project.  For me and, at least, one other writer, Isabell Allende, writing is a lot like making love and finishing a project gives me a heightened sense of gratification and release, similar to the cool down after an orgasm.  Also, I tend to bask in the ‘afterglow’ by running my fingers along the printed pages and gently turning them while I delight in reading the words over and over again. I don’t get this kind of satisfaction at the corporate slum.  Sitting in a sterile office environment under florescent lighting, at a terribly designed cubicle, I feel as though I’m lying with an unskilled lover with sloppy kisses and he’s groping me too hard.  But I have to pretend I like it for the sake of a salary. 

Ok, maybe I’m going a bit far but I am making a point here.  If you’re an artist, faking life is just as bad for your well-being as faking orgasms with a lover.  The problem with faking orgasms is that the underlying dissatisfaction will spill over into other aspects of the relationship, creating tension and disconnection. In a similar fashion, as artists faking life, this will inevitably affect our crafts because it will block our creativity, thus disconnecting us from our true selves.  Who in the hell wants that? Blockages of our creative energy will leave us more than repressed, as artists, I believe that if we don’t share our gifts with the world, it will poison us eventually.  So, from one artist to another, we have another year approaching, let’s make a commitment to stop faking it and end this relationship that leaves us sexually (read: creatively) unsatisfied.  Work hard at constructing ways for your craft to carry you financially. We owe it to ourselves and the world to get this figured out. Lord knows we don’t need any more repressed people on this planet making life unnecessarily difficult. 

Just so you know that I wasn’t chilling on Pluto while writing this, read this article from Psychology Today that links sex with creativity. 


About Chandra Kamaria

Chandra Kamaria is a playwright, essayist, culture maven, educator, entrepreneur, and activist. To learn more, visit


2 thoughts on “Faking Orgasms

  1. Wow, never have I heard the words so genuinely shared in this way. Going through the motions is exhausting. When there is no way anyone understands what we feel or how disconnected we are from everything. I appreciate your craft and sharing these words with me. I get it. Thank you. I have wanted to write a book for several years and I think I am going to start. I want to fulfill all my potential.

    Posted by K'neice Angel | March 21, 2013, 10:28 pm

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